Psychologist Arthur Aron put two strangers in a room, gave them these 36 questions, and 45 minutes later some of them felt closer than people they’d known for years. One pair ended up married. The questions just speed up the part of intimacy that usually takes months. They go in 3 sets, each one a little deeper than the last. Do them with your person tonight, even just a few. Save this page so you don’t lose it. Set 1

  1. Dinner with anyone alive or dead, who?
  2. Want to be famous? How?
  3. Do you rehearse before phone calls?
  4. What’s a perfect day for you?
  5. When did you last sing to yourself?
  6. Live to 90 with the mind or body of a 30 year old?
  7. How do you think you’ll die?
  8. Three things we have in common.
  9. What are you most grateful for?
  10. One thing you’d change about how you were raised.
  11. Your life story in 4 minutes.
  12. One new ability you’d wake up with. Set 2
  13. One truth from a crystal ball, what do you ask?
  14. Something you’ve dreamt of doing, and why you haven’t.
  15. Your biggest accomplishment.
  16. What you value most in a friend.
  17. Your most treasured memory.
  18. Your worst memory.
  19. One year left, what changes?
  20. What friendship means to you.
  21. The role of love in your life.
  22. Five things you like about each other, take turns.
  23. How warm is your family?
  24. How you feel about your mom. Set 3
  25. Three “we” statements, like “we’re both feeling…”
  26. Finish this: I wish I had someone to share…
  27. What should a close friend know about you?
  28. Tell them what you already like about them.
  29. An embarrassing moment.
  30. When did you last cry, alone and in front of someone?
  31. Something you’ve come to like about them.
  32. What’s too serious to joke about?
  33. If you died tonight, what would you regret not saying?
  34. House on fire, everyone safe, what one thing do you grab?
  35. Whose death would wreck you most?
  36. Share a problem, ask how they’d handle it.

End with 4 minutes of eye contact, no talking. That’s the part that undoes people.

If you want one of these every week, come find me on Instagram @naga_sowjanya 💛

And if you love this kind of thing, my book Still Curious About You is 50 questions for couples who already live together. Out August 26.